How Does Your Garden Grow?

Growing up in a rural part of the “city” I live in, we always grew a garden. One of my earliest memories is of chasing wild rabbits through the rows of plowed ground behind our small home. The rich, cold dirt pressed between my toes as I stepped on potato slices my mama dropped into the ground. We didn’t have much, and we put a lot of stock into the food from our garden.

The garden would magically sprout to life in a couple of weeks.  I imagine that my mama remembers the hard work she put into the field. I, however, only reminisce to the “fun” parts. Eating fresh corn and cheese puffs (why did I do that?), enjoying tomato sandwiches on Bunny Bread with Dukes mayo, and loving to watch Mama fill the freezer are the memories my mind has chosen to recall.

I never really realized that the process wasn’t so magical until I was inspired to have my own garden this year. After weeks of searching for the right design on the internet, my husband took to building a raised bed with galvanized sides. While he built, my daughter and I nursed zucchini and tomato plants in a Jiffy greenhouse. We weren’t the best plant attendants, and so after about 3 weeks, the plants were goners. Thanks to our local hardware store, we were able to get back in the game.

I think I was a bit overzealous in my plant purchasing. My bed is around 3 feet wide and about 24 feet long. Having done my research, I purchased great companion plants. We are now growing squash, 3 types of tomatoes, basil, green peppers, and several heads of broccoli.

It is amazing to see how much my daughter loves watching the plants grow. Of course we are having simple lessons about photosynthesis, worms, and responsibilities. More importantly, it is a wonderful time to remind her of our Maker, of his love for us, and how he desires to provide for us. I imagine my mama told me all of these things, for as I explain them to my daughter, the flow as ancient wisdom I seem to have known for all of my years on earth.

Today, I am thankful for my memories of that garden, for the lessons I’ve learned from the tilled land, and for the experiences I’m sharing with my daughter in our garden. I’m thankful to my hard-working mama. I’m hoping she’s going to help me can when fall settles in.

I’m thankful to God. He is so good. I am thankful he provides for me.

Surviving the NICU-5 Simple Tips

Daily Survival in the NICU has been compared to fighting in the trenches. The enemy: the “unknown”, combined with lead wires, apnea machines, and the not-so-nice nurse whom you may feel is not recognizing your basic human needs for respect, space, and maybe a little prozac. One can, if you will, survive this battle. Though you may be feeling wounded, this article should serve as a map to some semblence of “safety”–making your experience in the NICU a little more victorious.

Mini-Survival Kit-My Five Simple Tips

1. Leave. In our society, the word “leave” is synonymous with betrayal and  neglect. Leaving the NICU, however, is a step toward healing. One must take some amount of time for herself when a child is hospitalized for a significant amount of time. Whether it be for a cup of Starbucks or a chance to run the vacuum at home, a leave of absence is necessary for peace, sanity, and a change in perspective. Getting used to being at peace with leaving your fragile child will be difficult. However, establishing a sense of normalcy in the world outside (after being surrounded by beeps, wires, and excessive worry for days) can jumpstart the healing process.

2. Write. The Buddha’s quote states- “Words have the power to both heal and destroy.” Each NICU journey is different. Documenting the victories, the challenges, and every desire of the heart during a time of stress can serve as a healing tool. For centuries, love notes have stirred the hearts of millions. Writing a love note to your beloved child will not only serve as an expression of your soul, but as a keepsake for years to come. Let it all out, release your hurt. Share it or burn it, but write it all down. Release what is binding you!

3. Pamper the Nurses. This goes along with number one on the list. The nurses in the NICU are highly intelligent professionals. Treat them as such. They chose their profession, which means they knew before taking the job that they would experience many miracles, but also suffering and even death. This is a testament to their true calling. They WANT to work with babies and their families, no matter what the cost. On top of this, they are, like many, overworked and underpaid. At some point they must distance themselves from some of the suffering they witness. As with anyone, a little bit of kindness goes a long way. Get to know your nurses on a personal level. Help them turn off their “robot switches” and ask them about their families. Tell them you appreciate the time they spend with your baby with a box of candy, a cup of coffee, or a thank you note “from” your infant. Respect the fact that as humans (who must sometimes distance themselves from the pain they witness) they may not always be as chipper as they need to be. They may barge in on you in some of your most private moments. This doesn’t always warrant a tantrum on your part. The most important thing to remember here is that nurse loves your child and that your child can sense that. Love heals. Fight your deepest hormonal urges and be good to your nurses. It will benefit everyone involved.

4. Accept help. Everyone wants to help out in times of stress and tragedy. For those of us who have had babies in the NICU, one of our utmost regrets may be the fact that we weren’t willing to accept help. Allow your mom to pack your lunch for you. Let your co-worker come and dust at your home. Accept that gift certificate for a pedicure and actually go and enjoy it (remember the NICU nurses are perfectly capable of watching your baby). On a more serious note, a baby in NICU can quickly rack up the bills. Oftentimes, NICU units have free meal tickets, access to complimentary breast pump rentals and other high dollar baby items. Some  even provide free lodging so you can stay close by. While the accommodations may not even be like a Super 8, if it is free, take it! Don’t be too proud to accept help from government agencies, either. Though they are often unmentioned unless you go searching for them, benefits are available through the Social Security Administration for babies born within particular gestational and birth weight ranges. Such benefits can be the difference in financial bankruptcy and major lifestyle changes. Take the help if it’s offered. One must remember that help isn’t always in monetary form. Help can come from a friend who texts you to check on you or a church who asks to add you to their prayer list. Don’t become a recluse if at all possible. Depression can set in, and you could lose connections you’ve worked lifetimes to build. It takes a village, Sweet Mama. Start accepting help now.

5. Empower yourself. NICU units have their rules. Rules about visiting hours, sanitizing procedures, and family visiting regulations are all in place to protect the life of the babies in the units. That being said, it is also your  responsibility to advocate for your health and your safety. In other words, draw boundaries you are comfortable with and stick to them. Don’t let a pushy mother-in-law, a determined audience of “friends” or others who want to “spectate” or get a look at your special child cross your boundaries. Protect your child. You carried your child for “x”number of months. You get to set the rules. If that means “no visitors” or people holding your child other than you, then so be it. Empower yourself by talking over the “rules” with your partner, then stay on the same page. While people may mean well, you don’t deserve to be coerced to do things you’re uncomfortable with when it comes to your child. And I should note that the boundaries don’t come down automatically when you bring your child home. The transition from the NICU to home is not a traditional one. Because of the risk of RSV, flu, etc., you may choose to keep visitors away for some time. Don’t be made to feel guilty over this. Again, empower yourself by being prepared mentally (and if need be, with a “The Queen is not Accepting an Audience sign”).

Survival can be accomplished in many healthy forms. Stick to it. You can do this, Mama.

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